“There’s so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn’t need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize love like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own.
It isn’t any less beautiful, I promise.” – Unknown
Being alone and spending time in your own company can be very empowering! It is not sad and lonely to spend time by yourself. It actually helps to build self-confidence, self-awareness and emotional intelligence which are all key factors for personal and workplace success in this world.
Women often take on the majority of the caregiving or care-taking roles in our society and spending time alone or on your own pursuits is sometimes seen as ‘selfish’. Constantly spending all of your time helping other people live their lives and not working on yourself or pursuing your own goals or dreams can lead to an unhealthy dependency and burnout. Spending time by yourself is not selfish and it can also help you to be much happier and more confident within yourself. Which then helps you to give more back to everyone around you.
It is really good that we sometimes spend time alone and learn to be at peace with our own company. It helps to build inner resilience and strength so that whatever happens in your external world you know you will always be alright. You get to know yourself and you know which activities will help to increase personal happiness. So whenever you are having a bad day (and we all have those once in a while!) you can then go back to those activities that you know will help to nourish you and get you back on track!
1. START MEDITATING:
If you have suppressed a lot of emotions and feelings as you were growing up and as an adult for whatever reason sometimes when you are alone is when they will start to surface. Sometimes we can keep ourselves busy for years over-working, over-socialising, and ticking off jobs on endless do lists. All the while not really dealing with the underlying emotions as to why we can’t create stillness and calm. If you start a regular meditation practice it can be really hard to initially work through all of those suppressed emotions. Make sure you find a style of meditation that works for you. We are all different! Our brains are all different. Regular meditation can help you get to your natural state where you are then perfectly fine with being in your own company.
2. REGULARLY UNPLUG:
Being hyper connected and always plugged in is not so great for your brain. It trains it for instant gratification. It can then be hard to do more focused activities like reading or writing when you are used to your thoughts being constantly interrupted. This is also a factor in shared work space settings. Sometimes we need to spend time alone for that higher level creative thinking and flow. Regularly unplug or put your phone in flight mode for set periods so that you are not in a reactive state and you can get your own work done. When you go for a walk or a run put your phone in flight mode so that you can switch off. Learning to focus and ‘be in the moment’ also leads to more connected relationships. When you spend some time alone filling yourself up each week then you can then really appreciate all of your precious relationships more.
3. DATE YOURSELF!
Alone time must be scheduled otherwise it can be all too easy to have any free time eaten up by other peoples demands. Schedule ‘me’ dates on your calendar. Perhaps once per month plan a day where you can go and do all of the things that you have always wanted to do but never quite found the time. Even if you schedule ‘me’ time it can be all too easy to cancel it! Just for that day make yourself the priority and take yourself out on a date. Go out and eat a nice lunch by yourself – take a great book to read! Visit an art gallery, exhibition or go visit something beautiful that will feed your soul. Go to classes, events and even try volunteering by yourself. Get up early and watch the sunrise. Stay up late and stare at the stars. Take yourself away for the night to explore something new or check out a beautiful nature retreat or even try glamping – get creative!
4. BE A LIFELONG LEARNER:
As soon as you start spending more time by yourself you can really get to know yourself. Life is all about learning! You can try different things and learn about what it is that makes YOU happy. You are also less likely to be competitive or influenced by what other people are doing because you are creating your own happiness that does not depend on anything external. Learn a new language, cook some new dishes, read and watch movies and documentaries about interesting subjects. To be able to have interesting conversations with others you need to be learning and doing interesting things with your life so that you always have something to contribute.
5. PLAN A SELF-CARE DAY:
You don’t have to leave the house you can also plan some ‘alone’ time in your home. If you live with others plan an outing for them so that you can have some much needed me time. Plan a whole day where you catch up on housework, do some decluttering jobs, read an inspiring magazine or watch some inspirational talks (I love all of the TEDx talks I always find them super interesting and inspiring!). Make yourself a beautiful green salad for lunch or even catch up on some food prep! Do some Hatha or Yin yoga, play beautiful music then at the end of the day relax with a nice, hot bath and a glass of your favourite champagne. Catching up on life tasks, resting, relaxing and indulging in a little self-care are all really good for your mental health and also help to reduce stress, boost and recharge your brain! ♥
“To be at peace with self, to find company and nourishment in self – this would be the test of the free and productive psyche” – Marya Mannes
Links:
Watch the beautiful Aileen Xu from Lavendaire plan some things for fun + check out her at home self care date!
(Photo: Toa Heftiba)